La Belle Negresse

Etiquette for Everyday Living

I Was Born This Way

black-woman-with-chains-bob-pardue

Do you believe in generational curse?

Planning our monthly Mother and Daughter day makes me realize how completely opposite my children are. My twelve year old lives and breath all things fashion, so her idea of a great Mommy and Daughter day usually start with shopping or any activity involving fashion, clothes and sewing;  and end with a visit to Claire’s ( we seriously need to invest in some shares lol). She is a go where the wind takes her kinda girl. While  my oldest likes to plan her day and pen every minute, from visiting a museum or shop for books, to playing tourist around the city…. Every minute is documented, with detailed agenda ( so unlike her Mom lol).  During our last mother and daughter day in NYC, we spent the day playing tourist and end it with a stop at Barnes and Noble. I’m trying (failing terribly) to get my oldest to broaden her choice in books and literary work.  No matter the book store, she never fails to find books that will leave you in tears or wanting to start a revolution.

Which is how this topic came to be…. After an hour of searching and skimming, she comes to me and ask “do you believe in  hereditary predispositions?”  She found an article written a few years ago, on the life and death of Ernest Hemingway. While the article praised Hemingway’s writing, the highlight and overall premise was to compare his death with that of other famous writers and bring to light the fact that six other relatives have committed suicide in the past four generations, including Hemingway’s older sister. So, to tag on to my daughters question to me, I’m curious to hear your thoughts on generational curse and/or hereditary predispositions…. Do you believe it exists?  Are you living proof of its existence? Can you turn things around?

I had a friend who all through High School, would talk bout the day she would have children. She would go on and on about the number of children she wished to have and preferred gender. I remember asking her about the kind of wedding and husband she wish to have, and although I didn’t get it then, her response was typical of most girls raised in single parent homes. She had no desire to marry, because most of the women in her family were single parent mom’s, raising children conceived out of wedlock. I saw her a few years ago, mother to three children, born and being raised as she was. And, as she (subconsciously or  not) planned.

Generational curse is a continual negative pattern of something being handed down from generation to generation. Anything that seems to be a persistent struggle or problem that was handed down from one generation to another may very well be a generational curse.

Was your home a revolving door, where your mother allowed random men to enter and leave at their leisure…. Queen Baby Mama ( good enough to drop a load in, but not marry). Forcing you to believe having numerous children out of wedlock, is not only the norm, but all you can’t expect, because that’s how it is in our family?

Did you grow up in a home destroyed by divorce? And are now concerned that your own marriage might end up in the same situation? Or are you scared to marry because you see divorce all around you?

Did you live in a home where no matter the income, your parents experienced continual financial difficulties (they continually hit roadblocks in their finances). And now, 30 years later, no matter how much you try to save, cut back or make, you continue to find yourself living paycheck to paycheck.

Do you find yourself living as your parents did, going through the same issues, facing the same problems and can’t quite put your finger on it?

While I don’t believe in making excuses for ill decisions, I do believe in generational curses and the role they play in our success. I also believe the decisions we make to continue the dysfunction, will play a major role in how our children live, succeed and/or fail. We must make a conscious decision to live the life we wished we were raised in.

How do you break the curse?

Acknowledged the issue, curse, problem exists and take necessary steps to stop it.

Pray but, prayer without works is dead. Therapy is important and works.

Know that you have a choice. Remaining silent and accepting to live in dysfunction is a choice. You are not a powerless victim!

Face your fears. It didn’t work for your parents because they chose to remain silent and accept dysfunction as normal. Take the chance and shape your life as YOU would like it to be.

“My parents didn’t choose to pass it on to me. But they did, and I’m saying no! My kids are going to have problems in their lives — I want them to be their problems — not mine.” Mariel Hemingway

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This entry was posted on October 21, 2013 by in We must Do Better and tagged , , , , , , .

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