La Belle Negresse

Etiquette for Everyday Living


lazy man

I’m an old school kinda gal. If entering  a building or riding with a man, I expect him to open the door and allow me to enter first. I expect to be courted, cared for and pampered. Be it family,  husband, boyfriend, or friend, I expect to be treated like a lady. Which is why I am beyond dumbfounded by this new epidemic going on in the black community. I can not for the life of me, understand the concept of a grown woman choosing, accepting the role of caretaker to men well capable of taking care of themselves. Black women are misguided and desperate. They’re not only courting and pursuing men, but are paying  pretty high maintenance fees.

I was raised in a home where each member played a specific role, had specific responsibilities and expectations. Because of that, I believe in having well defined roles and expectations. I understand times have changed and in order to grow and succeed we must learn to adapt…. but if it’s not broke, don’t fix it. And, judging from the ridiculous number of black women who are baby mama’s, dating but it’s complicated, and placeholders… not all change is good.

It kills me to hear stories of educated, childfree black women,  choosing to have “full custody” of Jayquan or RayRay;  providing food, shelter, spending money and access to their car… while “Mr. I have a dream” try to get his money up. All in the name of love, and according to women in the black community, any man is better than no man…. They are terrified of being single. Having a relationship defines them, it provides validation and the illusion of love. They  have resorted to dating down, lowering their standards and financially provide for men whose only asset, is the ability to procreate. Successful black men NEVER lower their standards for the “community” or the love of a good black woman. They will lower their standards for women of other races, but NEVER for a black woman…. Why should you?

The idea that black women should lower their standards and date a “brotha” below her social and financial class, all in the name of helping the community and “our” men, is ridiculous and another ploy to ensure black women continue enabling lazy, unproductive men. You are not responsible for the community and definitely should not pay for someone else’s ill decisions and lack. Any man unable to care for himself, maintain basic needs and wants without financial support from his girl, should rethink dating and possibly look into returning home to Mama ( who probably played a major role in Junior thinking he is entitle to special treatment).

Women don’t give stipends, allowances or loans to boyfriends.

Women don’t pay rent where a MAN rests his head. We don’t split the rent, rotate on a monthly basis, help a “brotha” out….. A man MUST provide a home for his WIFE!

Women don’t live with men who are not their husbands. Boyfriend’s are not obligated to provide you with a home. If you move in with him, expect to split the bill like you would a roommate. A roommate offering wife privileges at your expense.

Stop listening to single baby making  machines, asking why you have no children at 27 ( while they are on baby number four, by random number six)….. Your womb, your choice. Black women do not equate to, she who is fertile. I know this is unheard of in the black community, but having children is not for everyone.

Stop buying him gifts and paying his way, with hopes he will see how great a woman you are…… he won’t! Real men don’t want their women paying their way or trying to woo them. YOU are the prize… if anyone should be flipping backwards to woo, convince and please, it should be him…. Your “generosity”, “loyalty” and “thoughtfulness” can be found in the dictionary under DESPERATE and MISGUIDED.

Know when you’re being used. If the only time you go out or travel, is when you initiate it and pay for it… I can guarantee you, the minute you stop being “generous” and “thoughtful”, Mr.potential, will leave you like yesterdays news.

Ask yourself, if I had a daughter in my current situation… would I approve?


10 comments on “Gold-Digger

  1. Chelle Belle
    July 20, 2013

    Great post….and so true! This has been building up to the point that it is nearly expected in the community. And ask why there aren’t more people telling young(and older) black women that this is not ok, The sad thing is that men of other groups are seeing RayRay, Pookie and dem getting away with it and want in on the action. I heard a non black man tell a non black woman that he would never leave black women. And I quote, “My sugah momma is too good to me.”

    • labellenegresse1
      July 20, 2013

      Thanks Chelle Belle! I appreciate it. You’re absolutely right, black women are becoming sugah momma to all. Older women are hush about it, because they too are doing it. Any behavior that benefits men and disgrace woman, is brushed under the rug.

  2. Chicagofornow
    July 20, 2013

    I feel like you are looking through my windows. I am living every single word written here. I’m 27, college graduate (Physical Therapist), childless and living with my boyfriend of 3 years. He is 32 and still in the process of getting his things in order. I pay all the bills and help him out as much as I can, and thought this was normal. Many of my friends are in the same predicament…. I guess in a world where many brothers are in jail, have numerous baby mama’s, and/or gay, when you find a “good” one, who may need an extra push… you hold on to him. I don’t know…. guess I have some soul searching to do. Thanks for planting the seed.

    • labellenegresse1
      July 21, 2013

      Hi Chicagofornow!
      You are welcome. Hope you allow that seed to grow and lead you to your best. This is far from your best. Your boyfriend is a user and manipulator. Start making arrangements to leave before you become part of the glorified baby mama club. And seek professional help before jumping into another relationship. Taking care (from A to Z) of a boyfriend, is not normal or acceptable behavior.
      I wish you the BEST!
      Thx for commenting 🙂

  3. Jiani Yu Williams
    July 21, 2013

    I know what you mean. I was raised old school and raised my daughter that way. But for some reason, she has lowered her standards. I look at her and wonder, is she that desperate for a man?

    • labellenegresse1
      July 21, 2013

      Hi Jiani Yu!
      Keep reaching out to her and leave the doors of communication open….the light-bull will one day turn on and it will click. Sometimes they have to make their own mistakes, drama and failures to realize my parent were right. Just don’t give up! And never agree or accept mess to avoid confrontation, no matter their age they need you to be consistent.
      Thx for the comment 🙂

  4. sweetestb
    July 22, 2013

    So I feel like this was written just for me lol! It’s to the point that I’m reading this blog daily for insight as to what I’ve been doing wrong all these years and I’m so glad that by chance I started following this blog! I don’t think you understand how much topics such as these help the women who were not taught these things. Love it!

    • labellenegresse1
      July 22, 2013

      Hi Sweetestb!
      Glad you’re enjoy the blog.
      Thanks for the kind words… I’m just sharing what was past down to me, and some I had to learn the hard way….Each One Teach One. Hope it helps at least one person.

      La Belle Negresse 🙂

  5. sweetestb
    July 22, 2013

    Reblogged this on Seeing Is Deceiving.

  6. TallulahBankhead
    September 30, 2013

    More women need to realize that vibrators are better than subsidizing male attention in their lives.

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