La Belle Negresse

Etiquette for Everyday Living

Everyone Is Doing It!

black girl

Last week, I wrote that I received 4 comments/questions from readers I wish to answer publicly. One question was about my “obsession” (according to the writer) with child abuse. My first thought was to dismiss the letter and put the writer in the control freak category..…. But, in light of  recent events, I’ve decided this is the perfect platform to discuss this issue… an issue that black people try best to avoid and will try to silence anyone who dares address it. I’m sure by now you’ve all heard about the tragic and avoidable death of 6 years old Ahlittia North, killed by a man her mom allowed into her life .  Ahlittia’s Mom, 20 years old Lisa North is married to the killers Uncle and have allowed him to babysit Ahlittia on numerous occasions….. I won’t even go into why a 46 year old man would marry a 20 year old girl, or the fact that Mom had Ahlittia at the tender age of 14. What I will address is the response and rationalizations I’ve  heard from people in the black community. The belief  that this happens in all communities, and shouldn’t be made into a “black people only” problem, is one of the main reason it continues to happen.

First, all behaviors are found in all cultural groups. Some behaviors are demonstrated more so in some cultures than in others, but the first point still applies. However, child abuse and especially sexual abuse is seldom discussed, acknowledged or resolved in the black community. The difference between children abused in the black community versus those in other communities, is the chance for recovery and healing. Black people as a whole, have an aversion to therapy. We either resolve to praying about it and hope it magically disappear, or we eat ourselves to an early grave…. We don’t do therapy, because therapy is for white people. Leaving us with wounds that never heal and holes that are never filled. Holes and wounds that can lead to more trauma and heartache. I won’t make empty assumptions or pretend to know Lisa North’s past, but I will say this…. healthy, happy teenagers, being raised in stable loving environments are not having sex and getting pregnant at 14. And, a 46 year old man in the eyes of a 20 year old girl who is full of opportunities, life and future, has a major yuck factor. Only a woman seeking a father figure to love, rescue and validate her, would entertain such a man.

As tragic as this story is, and sadly becoming an everyday occurrence, we can’t let it become the norm. We can’t allow ourselves to become desensitized and accept this as normal behavior. Or chuck it up to everyone is doing it/does it….. If we are going to use the “everyone is doing it” rational to pacify and accept this kind of behavior, then we must use it for all tragic deaths in our community. This rationale is typical and only used when the victim is female and black. Black girl dies, “Oh she’s not the first, girls of all races face sexual and physical abuse… sad but, it is what it is”. Black boy dies, let’s get the brigade out, prepare to boycott, march and demand justice, by any means necessary. No life is more valuable than another, your anger, activism and vigor for justice should be felt across the board.

No child should die while under the care of people who chose to have him/her. I don’t care how old a woman/man is when they have children, once you give birth to a child, their safety is your responsibility.

Stop leaving your child(ren)with random “family” and “friends”

Stop bringing random men around your kids

Teach your kids to NEVER go with adults, friends or foe without your permission

It does NOT take a village to raise a child, STOP pushing your kids on others

If you’re not ready to care for them, DON’T HAVE THEM!

Kids do not thrive/live by bread/clothes/sneakers alone

Get your life in order BEFORE bringing kids into the world

Contrary to popular belief, getting pregnant is a CHOICE

You can’t do what women of other races do, you don’t have the support system they have…. Accept it and deal with it!

I hope to one day live in a world where post like this one is unnecessary. And, pray that I never get comfortable or accepting of this kind of behavior or death.


4 comments on “Everyone Is Doing It!

  1. eugeniamb
    July 18, 2013

    Who’s using the everyone’s doing it to rationalize this behavior?

    • labellenegresse1
      July 18, 2013

      I sent the link of the story to a few co-workers who claim to want to help “our” cause, one usually has so much to say about issues in the bc, but had the nerve to tell me child/sexual abuse is nothing new and everyone does it. Like that makes it right…. this has been one trying week.

      • eugeniamb
        July 18, 2013

        What? Oh I’m sorry. The just downright callous nature of people. All I can ever think is, I hope they don’t need mercy one day because it’s not coming. I wholeheartedly agree with you about Blk ppl therapy, we need therapy & psychotropic drugs and a bunch of stuff. I just can’t comprehend someone saying that as if, it’s just okay. Jesus take the wheel.

  2. labellenegresse1
    July 18, 2013

    I’m glad he said it… he is now suspect! If after reading that gruesome story, all you can say is, “everyone is doing it”, … you are on my radar and need to keep an eye on you list….

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This entry was posted on July 18, 2013 by in Parenting with purpose and tagged , , , , , , , , .
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